Friday, July 6, 2012

Desire to desire

If there were cotton seeds, that I could climb upon
I would fly, if only for some distance, I would fly
And if there were any real dragons
I would trick the evil and make it stand in front of the mouth of fire
If I had long hands and sharp nails, I would rise, liberate the sky
by tearing its mask behind which it refrains to cry
And if there were two of me, I would stand in front of me
to understand me, to love me, to know my heart and mind
I know I can do this all but only if I knew how..
Do I need to carry or surrender, the love, the compassion, the ire?
And as I ponder, wander, halt on the highway of my life
I realise, everything I’ve achieved, everything I write
all the songs that I sing, all the fears that I kill
keep me fresh and not stale, warm and not ice-like..
I need to defeat if not conquer, stay alive and not die
Now I know, I can do it all, I could do it all
But only if I had those eyes,
Only if I had those eyes, flaming with desire…..

This life is a dog! No matter how far you throw the grief, it puts all its energy and focus to get that grief back to you.
And it expects you to pat it.
Oh! my dear life, you really don’t get it, do you?
That you need to get a life!

Things that we love, desire, no matter how much passion goes in to fill it, they attain ephemeral characteristics. Whether it’s rain, cool breeze, time spent with friends and loved ones, they all seem to come and go. And yet we desire them every minute of our lives. We spend rest of the time to possess those jewels. You get rich one moment, the next moment your jewels seem to be fake. And you wonder that what is it that you possess. Whether you possess the reality or if it’s the other way round. And most importantly, whether you possess yourself..!

Many a time, I decided to surrender myself to moments of joy, grief, jealousy and their shades and then later recoiled fearing losing myself to those ephemeral moments. Those colorful moments flutter in front of us, attract us, possess us, color us, carry us, and then fly away dropping us somewhere in mid way. You find yourself lost in foreign lands. You then trace back your steps. But you never reach the same place, because time moved the plains. You wonder if it was worth flying for the time-being. Yes of course, why not!! You got to experience the beauty, the sky, the freedom. But what about the fall? Didn’t the landing hurt you? And how many times can you relish the descent in the hope of next ascent if any? Or are you surrendering to the assumption that the journey has to end with descent?

There is nothing wrong with fall, bruised, broken or grief. I’ve patted my life even after it brought me grief. I stroked it with passion and fuelled it with desire. Every time I fell, I searched for scrapes and prepared it for next flight.
Every time I got bruised, I gathered strength to walk and found old and new companions to cheer me up on my way.

On my way, I sipped the sky, and greeted hills
I cut the air above the blue and ran on the sea beach-frills
I did it with passion; I did it with enthusiasm..
On my way, I perched on the branches of grief
I looked down wondering at the wandering nomads
I filched a little momentum from them and left the shadows
I did it with passion, I did it without notions..
On my way, I met so many and flew with few
While we shared meals, recalled our journeys,
I knew they followed different maps
And yet, I did it with passion, I did it with love..
On my way, I witnessed different worlds of joy and glee
Rich fearing the fall, poor hoping the rise, but listening to the same melodies
I felt the despair of free children’s shrills halting with descending swings
I saw it with passion, I saw it all with compassion..
On my way, I dipped my wings in river
I ascended to a height I could not have imagined ever
I knew I may meet the thunder up there
But I did it with passion, I did it with the desire..

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